tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4008338823963627403.post7422694011403439007..comments2023-10-29T03:31:47.030-07:00Comments on PollyAnnaShines: Alternate plans and epiphaniesPollyAnnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17505808535470419363noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4008338823963627403.post-45953929418391887162014-08-01T07:41:26.618-07:002014-08-01T07:41:26.618-07:00Annie, thank you so much for writing here - I real...Annie, thank you so much for writing here - I really appreciate hearing from you.<br /><br />I shared a house with my ex husband for a year after our decision to divorce, and it was difficult, but it was also worth it. That year got me on my career path and put me in a position to be able to afford the divorce! It also gave me a chance to demonstrate to our daughter that we would NOT have a stereotypical divorce, and that we would keep her best interests at heart, and I think it helped her a great deal. I was so glad when he finally moved out, but I wouldn't change the way we did it. <br /><br />If it worked for me, it can work for you!<br /><br />Others will tell you you're crazy for staying, crazy for leaving, crazy for co-habituating, crazy for getting along with him, or crazy for not getting along with him. You just go ahead and do what you know is the right thing to do - listen to your gut! - and all will be well.<br /><br />I haven't got it all figured out (certainly not financially or romantically), but I am happier than I've ever been, and wish the same for you. :-)<br /><br />I have no idea how to subscribe...I'm sorry. :-) I write this for myself more than anything and haven't done self promotion! lol But I hope you'll come back and comment again, and maybe keep your own blog so that I can follow you, too. Best of luck to you!<br /><br />(Also, check out "This Cuckoo's Next" by Cuckoo Mama. Great "birdnesting" blog - she's got a "good" divorce and she's terribly funny.)PollyAnnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17505808535470419363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4008338823963627403.post-76736617952691278392014-07-31T09:19:36.035-07:002014-07-31T09:19:36.035-07:00So beautifully put, all of this. I just found you...So beautifully put, all of this. I just found your blog through a search I did on "cohabitating after divorce" because I just filed for divorce from my husband who is cheating on me. We both can't afford really to split up, so the idea of cohabitating is on the table. We have two young kids, I'm 41 and currently unemployed. I plan to read your entire blog, and this one too because you seem like such a positive person despite all that's happened and I need to hear things like that from someone who has been through it rather than judgemental comments and well meaning advice from all my family who just doesn't get it. (Wow, run on sentence.) Thanks for writing your blog. You have a lovely style. How do I subscribe to it?ADiazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15771725657021938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4008338823963627403.post-43252549003352463162014-07-08T18:59:46.909-07:002014-07-08T18:59:46.909-07:00Anonymous, thank you for your kind words. We are ...Anonymous, thank you for your kind words. We are NOT alone in all of this, and it feels so good to find a like minded person. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.<br /><br />Isn't it funny about our married friends? I know that they are SO excited when I go on a date, because they're going to hear all kinds of funny stories afterwards. ;-)<br /><br />As for the "so many fewer men" thing, I just refuse to believe it. Every marriage that ends creates two single people, and about half of them are men. There ARE good guys out there, and they area hoping to find us just as much as we're hoping to find them. It's not easy, but I do believe it's possible. :-)<br /><br />It sounds like you need some time to let your heart heal, but I think you'll be okay. Knowing what you DON'T want and refusing to settle for it must be at least half the battle, don't you think?<br /><br />I'm nowhere near answers, myself. But the sun is shining and I've got tons of fun plans on the calendar, and for now, that's enough. I'm going to muddle through my own thoughts about letting someone in, and my fear around that, and how to change it....but just identifying my fear feels strangely liberating, and like just seeing it changed things. I'll let you know if I figure it out for real. :-)<br /><br />Thank you for your kind words about my blog - you have no idea how much that means to me, but it's a compliment that made me grin ear to ear. Thank you. <br /><br />Wishing you every happiness!<br /><br />PS Player? Yes, I got played too, about a year ago exactly. It stung, no question. But it was a reflection of him, not me. ;-)PollyAnnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17505808535470419363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4008338823963627403.post-68716709569999403402014-07-08T09:36:03.492-07:002014-07-08T09:36:03.492-07:00I came across your blog, (which is fantastic) afte...I came across your blog, (which is fantastic) after googling how to get over being played. That experience was a serious bummer. I didn't even see him coming and I'm 41! <br /><br />Keep writing. You are a fantastic, honest and fun to read blogger! You will figure yourself out and comfort others in the process. <br /><br />I am in the same boat as you for the exact same reason. Very bad marriage which I had the courage to leave many years ago. I have dated since and been in love once, with a man much too young for me. It didn't work out, and was so painful. I am very accomplished and happy in every way in my life except when it comes to love. I have been single for two years now and have gone on LOTS of first dates. My married girlfriends love my stories but I don't like living them. I have gone through all the stages of being single, feeling sorry for myself, being angry at happy couples I see on the street, trying to deny that I need a partner. I have tried the cougar thing and the casual sex thing, which aren't fun at all. Ultimately I crave what every person does on the planet, to connect with a person who loves and understands me. I haven't found it yet, and after this last experience I fear that ship sailed. There are just statistically so many fewer men available the older you get. <br /><br />Your blog gives me hope that there are other people who feel the same way, for the same reason. I don't know how to fix it. Wish I did. I will watch for you to find it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com