Sugar Crash

I've been in a bit of a fog since I got the news that the dream job is someone else's reality, not mine.

I had a happy little sugar buzz going on for the past few months while I dreamed of what could be, but I feel the crash now.  All the sugar of that sweet dream has left my system, and I'm left with.....I don't know what I'm left with. All I know is that it doesn't feel great.

I'm going to lick my wounds this week.  Mothering, working, and life in general will not wait while I figure out my next steps, so I keep doing them.  The yard must be mowed, the evening meeting awaits, and the endless cycle of dishes and laundry calls.  Friends are calling to offer support, and the weekend seems so far away but so tantalizing, and life marches on.

This week, I will sulk quietly, regroup, try to be gentle with myself.  I feel exhausted by the process, and I just want to catch my breath.

Next week, I'll implement some new plan.  Bigger, better, more.

But today I wish I could stay in my pajamas all day, drinking herbal tea and staring out the window, possibly taking a break to bake.  Today, even in the rain, would be good day to hunch over in the garden, pulling weeds mindlessly.

But instead, onward march.  One foot in front of the other, not quite sure where I'm going, but pretty sure that I need to keep on moving, and hopeful that every step gets me closer to something I want.

(I hope it's not another Character Building Lesson.  All of this character building is tiresome.)