Scheduling

 I am trying to schedule my week, my month, my year, my life. There's that whole "big rocks first" thing that I know is so important... but surely, I'm not the only one struggling with it?!

This holiday season has been SO BUSY. I know that I did it to myself - a holiday play with friends, the Nutcracker with Katherine, hosting Christmas Eve (because another family member asked me to), hosting Bryan for four days, and all the usual chaos and fun. I thought I'd booked a bunch of time to myself this week, but then friends are coming from out of town and want to see us, and other friends want to come by, and someone else wants to spend the first week of the new year at my house and...

How can I feel simultaneously like the luckiest woman in the world and completely overwhelmed and frustrated?

My plan for 2024 is to write more than ever before, which means being more introverted than usual. My comunity, however, hasn't quite clued into this. I have spent years making myself available, and the switch isn't easy.

So what is a girl to do? Cancel friends, or rearrange my life so that somehow I don't need any sleep?!

Obviously neither is an option, so I'm left wondering how to get the big rocks taken care of.

- Diet and exercise and sleep are the pillars of health. Big rock. And they don't come cheap! They require time and scheduling and real commitment.

- Writing is my dream and therefore it's really important to me to make time every single day. Big rock.

- My daughter is my most important person, and making time for her (her 21st birthday is coming up, for example) is critical not only to her but also to me. Big rock.

- My job is important to me AND pays the bills. Grading takes a really, really long time. Big rock.

- My home needs care. (I spent so much on various repairs lately that we decided to name the toilet, like it's a friend. Now when we walk into the bathroom we say, "Hello, Patrick!" It takes time, money, and planning to keep a house in running order, not just replacing broken items but just the routine maintenance of weeding and painting trim and, let's face it, even vacuuming and dusting (which I am not all that good at). Big rocks.

- Joy. I believe in joy. Reading, hiking, having friends over, chasing whales (when I can see them from shore my heart just sings!), going to plays and musicals and concerts and museums. Travel. Spending time at the beach (near or far). Big rocks.

It seems that my life is a boulder field, and there is such an abundance that I feel like I'm being buried alive by all these big rocks, and I'm pretty sure that's not how abundance needs to work.

I'm trying. I'm really, really trying.

Writing it down, it makes sense to me that I'm overwhelmed - there is just so much on my big rocks list!

Today I'm not going to solve it. Today I'm going to try to stop stressing about it, and I'm going to just do one thing at a time. Right now I'm writing (although not my book, which is my BIG rock) and I'm on my treadmill, so that's two things at once. A friend just left - she stayed for coffee. More friends arrive tonight. Tomorrow there is a party.

What if the biggest gift of my life, my friendships, is actually getting in the way of all the things I most need to do?! What if I've made so much space for that particular big rock that it's getting in the way of the other things? What if the solution is less of that particular big rock?

Oh my. I think the answer is right in front of me, and it's a bit of a struggle. I have spent so much of my life fighting loneliness, and fighting to be loved, that I have let my friendships become a resounding yes, every time. Is that not the right answer anymore?

Time to think about that. It would be a shift - hopefully a gentle one, not an explosion. I love these folks, so saying no isn't very easy. But I think I'm going to have to practice that.

Food for thought. But on that note, I'm going to pause. I won't solve it today, but I'm going to work on the other big rocks - grading, for instance. I want to feel good about my life, and that's on my list of things to accomplish this break. Time to get to it!

How do you manage YOUR big rocks?

xoxo, Love PollyAnna