Mood Swings

Tomorrow I'm going on a date, and it's the first time I have actually been truly excited to meet someone from OkCupid.  We've been talking for about two weeks, and he's warm, kind, smart, attentive, independent.  He's a father, a professional, a traveler, a reader.  Oh, yes, and super attractive.

Sometimes it seems like he is in my mind, reading my thoughts so that he can say just the perfect thing.  He gives me attention, but not so much that I think he's clingy.  He tells me about himself, but not so much that I feel like I know everything.

It feels amazing.

I've found myself falling down the rabbit hole, trying to be reasonable but also getting lost in romantic fantasies.

As our date approaches - he chose a wonderful restaurant, and we're having lunch because that is what fit into our schedules - I am vacillating between two extremes: either he is my soulmate or he is a player and I should cancel.

I am fully aware of how ridiculous this type of thinking, on either extreme, is.  And I'm aware that it's not him, it's me.

It'll be good, or it won't.  Until then, I'm just trying to keep perspective.  And I'm failing at that!  I think my "oh maybe he's talking to 20 women on OkCupid just like he's talking to me" is code for "I feel insecure and what if he doesn't like me?"

Tomorrow I will learn more.  If the date is a total failure, as sometimes happens, I will just remind myself that it is so absolutely wonderful to have this feeling again - a feeling I haven't had before, or at least not in 20 years.  True excitement to go on a date, and some kind of connection beyond physical chemistry.

Deep breaths!