Thursday, June 27, 2013

Observing a Crazy Person

Lately, I've had a chance to sit back and watch someone lose their marbles.

Strangely, that person is me.  I am in the odd position of both watching myself vacillate from stupendous highs to ridiculous lows....all over a man I barely know.

This is worrying, because I am too old for this.  Because I am strong and confident and my relationship to a man doesn't define me.  You know the lines...

But I am definitely not my 20 year old self for several reasons, all of which I can thank my lucky stars for.

1)  I'm not acting on the crazy.
2)  See #1.
3)  I'm capable of observing my own emotional roller coaster and noticing when it doesn't make sense....and this is very new, and very helpful.

I'm narrating my craziness to myself.  It looks like this:

"Oh, look, a text from him!  He called me lovely, he told me he couldn't wait for our date....and this is AWESOME!"  I fall asleep thinking how fortunate I am.

"Oh my God.  He didn't email or text me this morning.  Maybe he's lost interest.  He probably found someone else more attractive.  Maybe he's just not that into me after all."
...but here is where my sane voice stands up and says, "Girlfriend, you are out of your mind.  Are you actually upset because you didn't hear from this man for TWELVE HOURS?!

It's not easy being crazy.

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