Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Okay, WHAT?!

I feel like something is off.

Way off.

What the hell?!

Let's see:
Katherine is doing well.  Good grades.  Good friends.  Smiling.  Talking to me.  Check.
My finances are okay.  Not great, but okay.
I finished my taxes and get a refund (phew).
I have friends.
I have a comfortable home.
I have a good job.

Except that I'm struggling at my job and I feel empty.  I feel like it's not right.

I want it to be right.

I think it's about love, and my inability to open up or invite it in, despite my protests to the contrary.

I think it's because I'm not writing what I'm supposed to be writing and I'm terrified of it.

I think it's because I'm isolated at work.

I think it's because I'm not on the right track.  I'm supposed to be doing something different, and I haven't figured it out.

And it feels like hell.

Argh.  Back to the drawing board, because I've got to figure this out.

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