Friday, April 18, 2014


I came home from my week (almost) at the island, and my dogwoods are starting to bloom.

On one side of the yard, the dogwood that reminds me of childhood: beautiful blossoms with geometric petals, creamy white.  On the other side of the (small) yard, the giant pink dogwood is just starting to blossom: a crazy profusion of pinks that vary from cranberry to fuscia to a bright, pure pink that makes me happy just to look at it.  The back yard is half covered in their canopies; below them, bleeding hearts are abundant and cheerful and though they may be hearts dripping something, I just don't think they're bleeding - they're too happy.

And so am I.

This week, I had wonderful times with my friend, her daughter, and Katherine.  We hiked a bit, beachcombed, hot tubbed, cooked and ate food together, laughed a great deal, and talked and talked.  She's a dear friend, another single mom, and we've been through a lot together.  She was a few months ahead of me and coached me through my divorce, and we've complained about finances together, and career paths....and we've shared dating stories and the rest, too.  It was a fantastic week, and the girls were great and we enjoyed every second with them, too.  Magical, really.

And there was a lot of time for me to think, as well.  Time to drink coffee and stare at the light on the water in the early morning, and contemplate all of the things going on in my life.

I have been going through my budget with a fine tooth comb.  It's going to be tight, there is no way around it.  Should I keep my $15/month New York Times online subscription?  Can I trim my utilities bills?  Awful little questions to be asking.  Necessary, of course, but incredibly unpleasant.  I want to go to Paris!  Costa Rica!  Heck, I'd like to get regular pedicures.  But right now, I'm going to have to go back to the tight budget, pay off the little bit of debt that was unemployment's little gift to me, and make progress slowly.

But there are dogwoods.

I came home from my little vacation, and those dogwoods made my heart sing.

Maybe it's spring.  Maybe it's the bursts of color in a sea of gray winter skies.  Maybe it's the freshness that my new job brings - a new start.  Maybe it's the way I'm excited about the reigniting of my career, not just a job.  Maybe it's the burst of energy that is brought on by a relaxing vacation.

But I'm feeling so hopeful, and so appreciative of what I have.

I feel like somehow all of the details are going to work out.

Driving home, parking behind the house and coming in under the dogwoods.... I just suddenly believed that anything was possible.

Tonight Katherine is with her dad.  Tomorrow, I will re-attempt my 20 mile run, delayed last week because of a pulled groin muscle, and hope that this time I can run without pain.  But if I can't?  It will be okay.  All of my training isn't for naught, as I'm in the best shape of my life and I know I can run 18 miles.  I hope to run 26.2 on May 4....but if I don't, I will do it another month.  On Sunday, I'll share Easter with my daughter, and she'll wear the sweet little dress she picked out for the occasion (a treat for me, a far cry from the jeans and t-shirts that are her uniform).  And on Monday, I'll go to work and try to change the world.

Somehow, life is going to be okay.  It's all going to work out.  It's going to be fabulous, and I just feel it.  It won't be easy, but it's going to be good.

The dogwoods said so.

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