Monday, August 5, 2013

What kind of fire should I start?

I wasn't kidding about wanting to set the world aflame, and feeling like I'm a girl on fire.  It is very exciting, and I love every bit of it.

But this kind of fire is powerful, and I have to figure out how to use it effectively.  Like all fires, it will eventually burn out or transform into something else, and I want to harness the heat effectively so that I can turn it into something.  Do I temper steel?  Blow glass?  Roast marshmallows?  (Certainly I could do better than that.)  Create fireworks displays?  Heat up an entire city block, or maybe the whole city? 

I'm looking at a number of career options.

Stay where I am is one of those options.  It's easy.  It pays enough, with good medical.  And best of all?  Major flexibility, lots of vacation time.  Very little stress.

But boring.

I'm thinking about transitioning to the nonprofit world.  I don't make that much now, so I can "afford" the switch and still make enough.  But I would have to give my whole heart and soul, and give up some free time.  Can I do that?  Would the excitement of changing the world make up for it?

I'm taking on some volunteer work, half with an eye to change the world, half with an eye to develop my resume for that career shift "just in case."  Some grant writing for an organization I believe in, and I'm a guest speaker ("inspirational breast cancer survivor" guest speaker) at a 5k event they're holding (about 1000 runners - not my biggest audience but still a crowd!).  How much should I do?  How many extra volunteer hours can I handle?

And writing - how much should I give of myself to that?  Clearly, I must write (or I wither), but how much?

And running - I'm really into it, if I go a couple days without a run I feel antsy, and I'm excited about the changes it has brought to my body (oh la la!), but how crazy should I get?  Every day?  Should I start thinking about my goal for after the half marathon, maybe another half, or maybe a full marathon?  I think I could do it...

And how much do I take care of the house - my yard is miserable right now, and I know it, but the inside of the house is in remarkably good condition.  What is the balance?

And I want to get back into backpacking.  And I've been hiking every weekend and wish I could do even more.  And skiing in the winter, too.  Lessons for Katherine and I?

And the day to day of mothering.  Home made meals nightly - though simple, I care about fresh.  (Tonight: marinated chicken and veggies on the grill, served over fresh greens.)  Getting out with my girl and having fun, including her friends in that fun.  But also teaching her things like responsibility and well as practical things like cleaning and homework and such.

And girlfriend time.  I adore my ladies.

And dating time.  (Today a cute cop had to come to my office building for a minor disturbance, and he caught my eye, sought me out, and flirted with me.  I can't imagine myself with a policeman, but he was indeed very attractive.  LOL  He introduced himself to me, asked my name, used my name multiple times, and left with a "see you soon."  Hmmm!  Where are these men coming from?!  After Australia, there was a guy in the grocery store that asked for my number.  The grocery store - seriously?!  He was attractive so I took the bait, but in conversation we were a disaster - boy were we a bad fit!  He screamed "player" and it was comical.  I told him he was a nice guy but we weren't a good fit and he told me in response that I was weird, that he was a good guy, and that no wonder I was single if I wouldn't give him a chance.  That made me laugh and realize I'd made the right decision to move along!)  Does dating fit into this new energy? I  keep thinking no - I canceled my OkCupid account - but then stuff pops off and it seems like the universe thinks maybe yes.  (I'd like true love, please.  This dating insanity makes me....insane.)  Should I be dating?  Who and how much?  Does it add to or detract from my fire?

I don't have answers, but I have the questions, and I'm working it through.  Bit by bit I'm learning more, and I think I'm doing a better job.

If I'm on fire, I'm going to light up the world.  I just have to channel it a bit better, because I'm all over the place!  Can I do it all?  Time will tell.

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