People are crazy.

On Friday night I had a date.

We had dinner - I broke my rule! - and went for a walk along the waterfront.  It was pleasant.  I felt no expectations, and therefore no pressure.  He was articulate and intelligent, and so that made the conversation easy.

At one point on our walk, we found ourselves on a pier over the water, enjoying the moonlit view.  I had a moment of panic - oh dear God, I'd put myself in perfect kissing position.  Now, we all know that I'm not a prude and that a giant make-out session on a deserted pier with a beautiful view and the sound of the waves lapping under us could be very, very interesting with the right person...but clearly this was not the right person, because I had a momentary panic until I pertly said, "I think we should get back, don't you?  Let's turn around now," and didn't give him a chance to agree or disagree, merely turning and walking back.

Still, despite the clear lack of chemistry, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd go out with him one more time.  Maybe chemistry takes a while?  Maybe since I am the world's pickiest dater and don't appear to like ANYONE, I should give him a chance?

He helped me to make up my mind.  In the morning, there was a text message waiting for me.  We had discussed our mutual enjoyment of backpacking, and the text invited Katherine and I to go backpacking with him and his two children the next weekend.  A weekend in the mountains with our kids.

Are you kidding me?!  We had a three hour date (in hindsight, two hours too long) and now you want to introduce our kids and spend an entire weekend together in the woods?!

I should learn to listen to my instincts.  If I don't like him, I don't like him, and it doesn't matter how smart he is, or how attractive, or how anything.  And this guy is clearly ready to grab the first thing that comes his way - I can't believe he'd want to include our children, I can't believe he'd want to commit to that much time together, I can't believe he'd want to level jump so quickly.  I mean, I'm spectacular and all that (ha!) but he doesn't even know me!  Talk about a big red flag - a whole series of them, actually.

I was able to send him a short and hopefully very nice note that said, "Sorry, but I just don't think the chemistry is there.  I wish you all the best..." etc.

I really do wonder if I should just drop this internet dating thing.  How many first dates can one woman have?!  But I keep going back, because you just never know.  I think I might have accepted another coffee date for later this week....yes, I did.  What was I thinking?!

Now, back to work.  My to-do list is as long as my arm...still.  And no sign of shrinking.  Happy Monday, everyone!

What a life!

Oh, dear readers, how much has changed since I last popped in here.

On my vacation I had a great deal of time to think about work, life, the meaning of all of it.

And I've made some very big changes.

My last day on the job was yesterday.  I have a month's severance - generous of my boss - and her blessing to go out in the world and do what I must do.  I have been hitting my network hard - it turns out that I know a lot of people in the non-profit world, and that they are welcoming me with open arms.  I'm looking for a position in development, and I am assured by those who know the field locally that I will meet with success sooner rather than later.

It is a leap of faith.  After a month, I will panic due to the realities of finance, but I am determined to do this.

I am committed to changing the world.  I am committed to doing work that lights my soul on fire, and I am certain as to this path.  My resume doesn't contain nonprofit development....but it's what I've done for years on the side, and I'm ready to make it my life's work.  (Or part of my life's work, for I have many sides!  Mothering, writing, etc. all hold dear places in my heart.)

I've picked up some consulting, I have lunch meetings scheduled (and completed), and I am filled with optimism.

*****

I've been on a few new first dates that are worth mentioning here, too.  Date #1: a slooooooooow talker.  I talk a million miles a minute, and a slow talker is a comically bad fit for me.  Nice guy, very accomplished, very kind....and really, really, really not the guy for me.  He asked for another date and was very flattering, and I thought that really he must be clueless (sweet, but clueless) because wow was it a bad fit.  Date #2: stop touching me!  This guy invaded my space bubble more times than I can count: squeezing my hand, touching my knee, even once touching my face (as I leaned back in amused horror).  He was also shorter and more plump than his photos (which included him after completing an Ironman - and he had changed so much that I didn't recognize him when I walked in the room).  And Date #3: yesterday, and I haven't figured him out yet.  Attractive, good conversationalist....but no sparks.  He didn't give signs to me, either, and I have no idea if he will contact me again.  I think if he did I would go out with him again because of my own uncertainty - I mean, usually I think "NO!" and so thinking "Maybe?" is actually a vast improvement.  But if he doesn't contact me again I won't worry a bit, because it would be lovely to have some sparks.

*****

I'm getting some enforced down time today - my girl has a stomach bug and so we're home instead of at a cabin for the weekend.  It's actually nice to catch my breath.

Happy Labor Day!