Frozen

I'm feeling a bit frozen.

It's not like me, and I don't like it.

Ummm, I don't have a job.

So maybe I should go online and shop at the man mall?!

No.  Nononono.

But I have to say, today it has all caught up with me, and I'm feeling more than slightly overwhelmed.  I'm trying to break into a brand new career in my mid-forties and AM I CRAZY?  I left an easy job that paid my bills and gave me a ton of vacation time, and now....what?  No guarantees, and what am I going to do?  I am freaking out over here!

Today I had another networking meeting.  I got some more resources, was given a couple more names.

Yesterday I got a call from a friend telling me about a job I might be interested in, and I was also contacted by a friend of a friend who is an executive director at an organization that I'm interested in, and they have a job offering that she wants me to look at.  I have another meeting later this week with an interesting nonprofit.  I'm attending a conference in the field later this month.  And best of all?  I'm doing some consulting, and I've found an amazing mentor, and I'm getting great work done there, both on my learning curve, earning a little money, and getting a resume line in the field I want to work in.

So, I should be floating high.  I've been telling everyone I'm floating high, because I have felt great about everything.

But today, I feel absolutely paralyzed.  I came home from my networking meeting and froze, and got nothing at all done this afternoon.  Katherine is home now, and I'm ignoring her.  What I want to do - on this beautiful sunny day - is climb into my bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend nothing exists.

Uh oh.

This is normal, I suspect.  I don't like the uncertainty.  There is much to gain, and much to lose.  It's the losing part that terrifies me.  What if I can't get a job that pays what I need?  What if I'm a total failure?  What if I never reach another one of my dreams ever again?   ARGHHHH!  (Crazy talk.  I know.  It's one of the crazy days.)

I might just freak out for a while longer.  Wish me luck and send me "get 'er done" vibes, because I can not afford to be in this state for too long.  And if you have suggestions for getting through this, I'm all ears, because my to-do list is longer than I dreamed possible and I don't even want to look at it, because it's so overwhelming.

Deep breaths.